Most of us feel caught between two positions in life – the desire to get the most out of our life and the fear.  Fear is holding us back, but what actually is it?  The first step in managing fear is facing it.  But fear is so uncomfortable that it puts us off looking at it.  Yet as long as we don’t face it, it will continue to hold us in its grasp.

It helps to gain some understanding of why fear exists, and why it is present for all human beings.  Fear is a legacy of our evolution.  We had to feel fear to survive the dangers in our environment.  Fear keeps us alert to danger and able to respond quickly.  So our fear response, our fight or flight instinct, is built into our system.

This can be made worse if we have a less than secure upbringing. If we weren’t taught how to manage our anxiety at an early age, we become hyper-alert to danger and this can go unchecked throughout our lives.  Anxiety becomes a habitual response to everyday situations and we can feel dominated by fears.

In modern life survival is a social matter.  We have to fit in with society’s expectations to be accepted because we depend on the support of our relationships.  We depend on financial security in order to buy the things we need to survive, and this too demands that we conform to be accepted.  So our acceptance in society feels like life or death.  Our fear has transformed into social fear and has transformed into fear of failure, of standing out, of ridicule, of rejection.

These fears hold us from stepping outside of convention, from attempting to succeed, from making changes and from speaking our truth.  These fears hold us back from the life we want and from being all that we can be.  Decide that you are no longer going to let your fear control you and take these steps.

1. Listen to your fear.  Listen closely to the inner voice that tells you that you are not good enough and that disaster is just around the corner.  Understand that fear is a part of you that is trying to keep you safe, but fear is not rational, objective or right.
2. Talk to your fears.  Explain that you will listen and take their views into account, but you will make up your own mind. Reassure your fear that you are competent in life, not perfect but capable enough.  Mistakes are inevitable but you can recover.  Explain that you are going to try.
3. Be alert to the triggers of the fear response, to the devious messages that fear sends you as it tries to keep hold, and be diligent in your counter talk.

The truth is that your fears are unfounded.  With time, patience, diligence and compassion, you can set yourself free.

After a couple of years of study I am back at work in a corporate environment. I take all my learning from self-awareness, meditation and relaxation, and my new found resilience back into a familiar workplace, and still I am finding the stress levels rising as I meet negativity on a daily basis.

I am curious about why I am struggling to maintain my equilibrium, why I am still vulnerable to the cumulative effects of pressure. The components that seem to be impacting me are:

• a heavy workload leading to tiredness and insufficient time to think clearly
• a general lack of appreciation and gratitude for work completed
• a lack of influence to make changes that I feel are important
• frequent challenges to my point of view leading me to question my knowledge and intelligence

It is difficult to maintain courage in a system that has a heavy investment in maintaining the status quo and limits change and challenge. So how can we stay strong?

• understand that hostility to new ideas stems from a desire to stay safe and resist challenge – it is not personal
• build a support network of like-minded individuals, not for complaint sharing but to share learning and coping strategies
• keep a record of the positive contribution we are making, whether this is visible or not to the organization
• go back to the sources of encouragement and inspiration that nourish and strengthen us
• remember that resilience is a flexible kind of strength. Stay true to the principle, but be flexible in terms of how things are done and communicated
• work on the relationships and activities outside of work to maintain a sense of perspective and keep work from escalating beyond its boundaries
• make time for meditating, mindfulness and relaxation to keep centred

It is hard to maintain our energy, commitment, integrity and courage to do the right thing in a system that is at odds with our personal views. The ability to persist and rise above our own frustrations to stay true to what we believe is a demonstration of courage. It is the only way to survive with our spirit intact, and in doing so we may well inspire transformation in the system around us.

Paradoxically, the ultimate test of courage is letting go.

This does not mean giving up work, dropping out and doing nothing. It does not mean giving up the struggle to be steady, honest, loving, vigorous and disciplined in our way of life, or giving up our attempt to consider and act upon what we consider to be right.

It means something much more profound. It means giving up the story we tell ourselves of who we are, and letting this go.

From our earliest age we are involved in a process of defining who we are, what sort of person we are. Our parents, friends, families and society collude with this task and we identify ourself with whatever we are told we are. As we adopt the labels and take them in we become fixed, we have found our personality. We accept this as truth and become what we are expected to be. In becoming fixed we lose our freedom to be who we really are.

To consider the notion that this is not really who we are at all, but simply a construction from our childhood is scary to say the least, for this is where our ground is and our landmarks lie. If we give up this, we are untethered, lost. We confront a sense of loss of our self.

This is exactly why it is the ultimate test of courage.

And this is where we gain all the rewards.

The notion may be terrifying but the process undertaken does not need to be. We can simply let go to get back to who we are. We let go of our attachments, we let go of our fear, we let go of our distortions, our long held beliefs and judgments. When we do this we find ourselves back here, where we started, fresh, alive.

As we release the patterns that we have been holding onto, we start to open up and relax. The energy that has been used to hold tightly onto who we are is released and we experience new vigour and zest for life. When we let go of the filters from our past we can experience life fully as it is, here and now. Without these filters we develop clear sightedness to see what is in front of us, and what is beyond.

We can let go of the past, the disappointments and the hurt. It has gone now. Unless we allow it, the past has no power over our life from this point on. We can face each moment afresh. The process is one of observing our patterns, and once identified, letting them go, one by one, gently, with compassion and with commitment to the process.

The more we let go of the past, the more present we become.   Our life becomes rooted in the reality of the moment. When we have accepted ourselves as we really are, this moment, whatever it brings, can pose no threat. We trust ourselves. This is when we are fully alive, fully present, living wholeheartedly. This is courage.

When we let go of our concern over what other people think we should do, we are free to choose what we think we should do. When we let go of our fear of dying, nothing and no one can frighten us. When we let go of our need to be strong and accept our vulnerability, we become strong. When we let go of the stories we tell ourselves we are free to change. When we let go of our need to be something, we finally become who we are.

We become courage.